Some days I wake
up in Ghana and say to myself
“Holy shit – I’m in Africa!”
which is better than some other days when I wake up in Ghana
and say “Holy shit – I’m in Ecuador!” which means I’m probably still
groggy from my dream.. But
I DO live in Africa, and when you live in Africa, you should really
try to explore Africa. So
a couple of weeks ago I made the decision to spend a week in Egypt.
I gave myself about a week to get a visa, reserve hotel rooms
& research the trip, which (if I could pull it off) would be a
new record in impulsive travel and short-term preparation.
Well,
thanks to the internet (and who knew the internet could be more than
a fabulous porn pipeline?!), I was able to book my hotels in 2 days,
and find a lengthy list of things to see and do in Cairo & the
surrounding area. I’m
off!
Thursday,
7/20
Egypt
Air (the choice of the discriminating hijacker) flies from Accra to
Cairo with a short stop in Lagos, Nigeria.
Remind me never to live in Lagos, Nigeria, okay?
Imagine the entire population of Ghana (about 16 million people)
in ONE West African city - That’s Lagos.
Ick. Now imagine
the same 16 million people in one North African city – that’s Cairo.
And that’s where I just landed.
My
hotel was in Giza, where the pyramids hang out.
I think Giza is probably the most geographically distant point
possible from the airport, so that meant a long cab ride while I cut
through the entire metropolitan area of Cairo.
Okay, this next part is important:
The
traffic in Cairo is freakin’ NUTS!
I cannot stress this enough.
Absolutely butt-spankin’ loony.
I don’t care where you live, this is worse.
Everyone is constantly whipping in and out of lanes – and if
your car can fit, that’s a lane. There is a constant cacophony of honking at all times (no,
YOU’RE the idiot, Hassan!) Well,
they were all idiots and I was riding with their God-King.
My cab driver seemed to be the worst of the lot, I’m pretty
sure he was doing some of the things he did just to see if I’d react
or maybe urinate on myself.
This guy didn’t just laugh at death, he laughed, then kicked
Death’s ass and took Death’s milk money.
The good news is that I probably couldn’t get a worse
driver for the rest of my stay. That was a comfort.
I
arrived at my hotel after about an hour of traffic (and that was 9:00
at night!). I was told
that my room was on the 9th floor, then they politely explained
that the lift was out. Ha
ha. That’s great. Ha ha. Good first
impression. It got better.
I think my room was also doubling as the hotel sauna.
The room would absolutely NOT cool down.
In this life you can either let little things like this bother
you or not. I let little things like this bother me.
So I walked down the 9 floors to request a room change, and
they said: “sure, you
bet – no problem – tomorrow.”
9 floors later, I was able to construct a crude wind-deflector
out of my tourist map of Cairo.
With moving air across my body, I was actually able to get
to sleep. Hooray for
Cairo!
OBSERVATION
Wise
men say you can judge a civilization by the quality of its music and
television. Okay, maybe
these men aren’t that wise, but it’s an interesting cultural activity.
For the record, I absolutely do NOT like Arabic music.
I liken it to a grown man whining while a small string chamber
orchestra plays rising and falling scales over the incessant beat
of a drum machine and a midget clapping on thumb cymbals
(The midget is for visualization purposes only).
The TV isn’t much better unless you like musical variety shows
and weddings – lots of Egyptian weddings.
I don’t know why. It’s
what they do, I guess. Suffice
to say, I think I’ll be reading during my quality hotel time.
Friday,
7/21
A
quick breakfast and I’m off to find some pyramids.
Holy mother of God! – Cairo is butt-hot in July (That’s right,
every bit as hot as a butt). Oh well, it can’t really be helped. Besides, I lived in HOUSTON, so I can handle anything.
Bottled water in my backpack, I ventured out into the shimmering
heat - where I immediately found Magdy, a pleasant, English-speaking
cab driver who volunteers his services for the day.
That’s right – the whole day.
For about 30 bucks, he can take me to the pyramids, Saqqara,
Memphis and wherever else I might want to go.
At this point I’m unsure if that’s a good deal or a bad deal
by local currency standards, but it sure SEEMED like a good deal for
30 bucks, so I accept.
It
was still a little early for the pyramids, so Magdy took me to a place
he calls “The Papyrus Museum” on the way.
The “museum” is actually just your average tourist-trap papyrus
store – and I’ve now had my first experience with what I call “Tourist
Wrangling” – that’s the act of befriending a tourist for the express
purpose of bringing him to your store, or a friend’s store (who presumably
pays by the tourist head). It
happened a lot during my week in Egypt.
Ducking
any obligation to buy, I continued on to the pyramids.
Nothing can prepare you for the first time you see ‘em.
I mean, everyone has seen the pictures, but all of a sudden
BOOM, there’s this HUGE pyramid towering over the shops ‘n stuff..
truly awesome. Magdy
asked if I would like to take a horse or camel around the desert surrounding
the pyramid area. Whoa,
how cool would that be? Sure,
I said – so he hooked me up with his friend (Ah-ha, wrangled again)
and I ventured out into the desert on horseback (camels just seemed
TOO touristy). My young
guide’s name was Moses, and he knew where to find all the “cool stuff”
– we rode around the tombs of the pyramid builders and actually entered
a few. When we got to
the pyramids proper, Moses asked if I wanted to climb one (the smaller
of the big 3). Now I
was pretty sure they don’t let you climb ‘em anymore, but I really,
really wanted to.. He had a “friend” who apparently made a
living sneaking people up the far side of the structure away from
the prying eyes of the pyramid police. It all seemed a little dubious, but hey – on my life resume,
I want to say I climbed the Great Pyramids of Giza – so I did it.
I ascended about ¾ of the way up the Menkoure Pyramid.
At that point, Pyramid guy said that the blocks above us were
too dangerous to climb, but it was plenty high for a thrill and some
good photography. By
Allah’s will, we were able to descend safely without drawing any authoritative
attention to ourselves. Elated,
I tipped my malefactor tour guide, re-mounted my trusty steed, and
chalked up a 5-star life experience.
I
joined back up with Magdy for a ride out to Saqqara – There I found
the step pyramid of King Djoser.
It dates back to the 3rd dynasty (about 2800 B.C.).
That’s 5000 years! - how frickin’ mind-boggling is that?
I don’t think humans are really prepared biologically to grasp
the concept of 5000 years. Personally,
I have a hard time visualizing anything more than “9” (3 rows of 3).
Mind reeling, I had Magdy take me to Memphis, where there’s
a museum with a huge statue of Rameses II.
This statue is only about 3300 years old, which my brain quickly
translated into about 9 years - Still impressive nonetheless.
On
the way back to Cairo, Magdy wrangled me into the Saqqara Restaurant
where I had an authentic Egyptian feast. The food was awesome and plentiful – a good thing too, as I
needed some serious replenishing after my various desert treks.
Back
at the hotel I thanked Magdy for the good day – He seemed reluctant
to give me up as I was somewhat of the great, white meal ticket for
him. I said he could
stop by at 8 to take me to the Pyramid Light and Sound show if he
wanted. He seemed pretty
happy with that.
Good
news! My (working) air-conditioned
room on the 4th floor was ready (plus the lift was fixed)!
Cairo is getting better and better.
It would be even BETTER if I spoke French.
Okay, I’d better explain:
I went to the Light & Sound show at the pyramid that evening
(where they shine laser images and colored lights on the pyramids
while telling you about Egyptian history).
I made sure I arrived in plenty of time for the English show
– Whoops, I’m one time zone too late..
Apparently, when I landed in Cairo the night before, I overwound
my watch an hour. I had
unwittingly been an hour displaced for the whole day.
Now I get to hear about Egyptian history in French.
But guess what? I
was in Egypt, watching lasers on 4000 year-old pyramids – It was hard
to be too disappointed.
Saturday,
7/22
This
morning I decided to go to the Citadel.
Built on a mesa overlooking greater Cairo, The Citadel is home
to the fabulous Mosque of Mohammed Ali (no, not the frickin’ boxer),
and the Military Museum. I
dig on the military history, and Egypt has several thousand
years of it. Chronicling
warfare from ancient times to modern dogfights, I thoroughly enjoyed
the museum (Plus at this hour I seemed to be the only one there which
made it even more cool).
Continuing
my tour around the citadel, I was blown away by the view of greater
Cairo.. Damn, it’s BIG! But
unlike other metropolitan areas I’ve seen of similar size and density,
it’s almost all one color: dirty
brown. The air is also
of a similar hue. I read
somewhere that breathing a day in Cairo is like smoking 30 cigarettes
(I believe it!). The
pyramids were barely visible through the smog and dust.
Moving
on, I next explored Mohammed Ali’s Mosque.
It was quite ornate – truly a marvel of architecture.
Here’s something that bothered me:
There were other visitors at the Mosque, but one really stood
out; This (American, I think) lady was walking around, wearing very
short, bright, red shorts and matching red, low-cut blouse.
Jeezus lady, you’re in a Middle East Country, and you’re at
a frickin’ MOSQUE – what are you thinking?
Contrasting her appearance were some local (Muslim) women,
in full caftans who were walking around her.
I’d like to think if their mouths weren’t covered, they would’ve
spit on her.. I certainly wanted to spit on her, and it wasn’t
even my country (or religion).
Yup, that’s me – the sensitive tourist.
Done
with the Citadel, I took a cab over to the Museum area.
Remember when I said I had probably found the worst cabby?
Well forget that! This
kid was fucking CRAZY! It
was unreal. I mean that. It actually stopped being real and took on the
feel of an IMAX movie or some theme park ride.
I mean, we’re driving on the wrong side of the street, heading
right for oncoming traffic, only to turn left before the fiery crash.
This kid wasn’t just laughing at Death, he wasn’t even chuckling
while taking Death’s milk money - This punk was actually sodomizing
death and screeching like a monkey!
I can honestly say I haven’t had an experience quite like it,
and in the end seemed to be no worse for the wear, so what the hell,
I tipped him.
There
was a serious Saturday crowd at the museum, so I decided to nix that
idea and stop in at my nearby (second) hotel to see if my last minute
internet reservations had gone through (yes they had).
While walking around, I met an older gentleman.
Sammy was an Egyptian vacationing in Egypt.
We talked a bit, and he invited me to have a beer at his son’s
shop (alas, wrangled again).
I have absolutely no interest in oils, extracts or scents but
I DO have a profound interest in beer so I accepted his hospitality.
Seeing I had no interest in lotus oil, Sammy wrangled me over
to his friend’s “bazaar” (more like a tourist shop).
Tired of the wrangle, I cut Sammy loose and found an Internet
Café. Color me the technophile,
but I think it’s great that I can check my e-mail in the middle of
downtown Cairo. Hooray
for this brave new millennium!
Next,
I did some research into a day trip to Luxor – a roundtrip flight
plus tour package would cost me about $385.
Hmm.. tempting, but I think I’ll save Luxor for the next time
(Scuba Safari in the Red Sea – November,
2001 - mark your calendar).
Meanwhile, a quick cab trip over to Cairo Tower means more
official Pedersen Observation-deck Oriented Photography (POOP).
I take a lot of POOP pictures.
I can’t help it – I absolutely love skyscrapers and the views
they offer.
Finishing
my 5th roll of film at the tower, I decided to return to
my hotel which is conveniently located across the street from a 1-hour
Kodak photo developing lab.
Convenient and necessary, for I don’t really trust the developing
in Ghana.
OBSERVATION
So
is Egypt safe? I had
my reservations before I left.
Nearly everyone has heard about the anti-tourist terrorist
attacks (69 tourists killed in Luxor in 1997),
But Egypt fought back with the (undoubtedly expensive) hiring
of legions of “Tourist Police”.
I read somewhere that up to 1/6 of the country’s capital is
generated from tourism, so it’s in Egypt’s best interest to make it
safe for visitors. The white-uniformed, machinegun-toting police were everywhere.
I certainly FELT safe (well, when I wasn’t in a taxi).
Of course a clever terrorist group could probably just dress
like Tourist Police and mow down a mosque-full of vacationers. (Jeez,
it’s a good thing I didn’t think of that while I was there)
Sunday,
7/23
Crowd
be damned, today I’m going to the Egyptian Museum.
To me, it was more like a warehouse than a museum, as it’s
absolutely huge and absolutely packed wall-to-wall with artifacts.
Most of the stuff isn’t labeled either (maybe I had to buy
a book or something), so you just end up walking from room to room
going “Oh! More 4000 year old sarcophagi”
It’s somewhat overwhelming.
Highlights include: the tomb artifacts of Tutankhamen and the
mummy exhibit. You have
to fork out an extra 40 Egyptian pounds to see the mummies, but for
me (Morbid Mark) it’s worth it.
I mean, you’re looking at this skinny dead dude under glass
and it occurs to you that this is the guy who was running the
show in Egypt 3 thousand years ago! (when Moses was supposedly running
around eating matzo and talking to burning bushes and the like) Truly
mind-boggling.
After
several hours, I could feel my brain forming a callous on the visual
cortex, so it was time to flee the museum and take up a favorite Egyptian
tourist sport: full-contact shopping!
The Khal-Khalili bazaar is the Egyptian shopper’s Mecca.
Stall after stall, store after store of quality tourist crap
- hookahs, carved boxes, statues, necklaces, papyrus, cloth, food,
brass, amber – whatever your touristy heart desires.
I bought myself a hand-carved backgammon set with camel bone
and horn playing pieces (cool!)
That
evening I walked down to an Egyptian Pizza Hut for dinner.
Believe it or not, living a year in Ghana actually makes you
crave crappy American fast food.
The Egyptian Pizza Hut even turned out to be superior to its
American cousin, for the olives on my pepperoni and black olive pizza
were actually of the big, plump, Mediterranean variety – yum!
OBSERVATION
It’s
just a theory, but maybe the traffic in Cairo wouldn’t be that bad
if they didn’t let the donkey carts on the highways.
It was quite common to see the beasts of burden pulling carts
of vegetables or unidentifiable junk along Cairo’s main thoroughfares.
I can’t imagine how the burros keep from completely freaking
out in those conditions (well, I’ve got a guess – they are
pretty stupid). I even saw one cart pull a u-turn across 4 lanes of
oncoming traffic. Kooky!
It’s a pity I was unable to snap any pictures of this particular
Cairo feature.. Maybe next time.
Monday,
7/24
Today
was a relatively uneventful day,
I was planning on a trip to Alexandria, but by the time I got
through the traffic to the train station I had lost too much time.
Noting departure times for tomorrow, I returned to the bazaar
to pick up some forgotten items and made it a quest to find a modern
shopping mall (Yet another strange craving built up from living in
West Africa). I used
the rest of the day to explore the neighborhood around my hotel.
I found another Internet Café and indulged my technological
needs (obsessions). How
did I ever survive before the Internet?
OBSERVATION
Half
and half – that’s about what I estimate the division between Egyptian
women who adhered to some kind of Muslim dress code vs. those who
were dressed in a familiar Western style.
All of the women who donned the Muslim duds wore a head-covering
of some kind, and many were wearing the full caftan get-up. A small percentage (5% perhaps) were sporting what I refer
to as the “Imperial Royal Guard” look (For those who aren’t familiar
with the Star Wars reference, click on the dot: 
).
I found this look a little creepy.
Tuesday,
7/25
I
woke early to do the Egyptian hotel shuffle, checking out of the Giza
hotel and into my nice, 5-star downtown hotel.
Then it was off to the train station.
The train from Cairo to Alexandria takes about 2 hours.
Once there, I negotiated another daily cab rate for the full
tourist circuit. I haggled with a guy who spoke English quite well, but deal
completed, he handed me off to a non-English speaking driver (This
could be an interesting day).
The
first stop was the catacombs of Kom El-shuqqafa.
I had a blast running around the maze-like subterranean tunnels
and tombs. I suppose
the Alexandrian tourist authority thought it was a good idea to take
out all the cool dead & decomposing bodies – how wrong they were.
Next
was Pompey’s Pillar – If you can imagine a lone, tall, Roman pillar
you’ve just about captured the splendor that is “Pompey’s Pillar”.
Actually, with the pair of sphinx guardians, there were ample
opportunities for some nice photography (My favorite picture of the
trip is of the column with sphinx).
Next
on the list was the Citadel of Qaitbay, a seaside fortress with great
views of the Mediterranean and coastal Alexandria.
There, I met a group of young Egyptians who were absolutely
delighted to meet an American and try out their English speaking skills.
They were all eager to pose for a picture with their new American
friend (perhaps I shouldn’t have told them I was American film star,
Matthew Broderick – ha.)
So
much to see, so little time! I decided to skip lunch to cram more tourist crap in my schedule.
Next stop: The Graeco-Roman
Museum. Since Alexandria
was founded by Alexander the Great around 300 B.C., there is quite
the Greek (& Roman) influence and history.
Collected bits of statues, pottery, and other archaeological
treasures in various states of disrepair can be found in this museum.
I found the faceless & limbless statues great subjects
for surreal photography.
What
next? The somewhat recently
discovered Roman Amphitheater made a good finale to my kinetic day
of sightseeing. The theater
was a quick walk from the train station, and I had a few minutes to
sit in a park and people-watch.
Sitting down next to me was a Muslim lady and her 3 daughters.
Upon closer inspection I discovered they were identical triplets!
Part photographer, part curious geneticist, I had to ask if
I could take their picture.
Little did I know that in middle eastern countries, photographing
children obligates you to entertain them too.
So for the next 15 minutes, I became babysitter to these er..
delightful youngsters. They
chattered happily in Arabic to me (to which I could only point to
myself and say “En-Glish” So
they kept saying “En-Glish” as they picked at my leg-hair and tried
to feed me crap they dug out of the park bench cracks.
What a.. uh.. delightful cultural experience.
Pity I had to catch a train.
Back
in Cairo I had a wonderful dinner at my new hotel.
Well, I was so hungry from fasting all day in Alexandria that
I probably could’ve eaten crap dug out of a park bench.
That evening I went exploring to develop the last 3 rolls of
my Egypt photography. While
waiting for the pics, I met a kid named Ali and allowed myself to
be wrangled into his nearby “family store”.
Well, imagine my surprise (and the surprise of the store owner)
when it turned out to be the same damn perfume shop Sammy wrangled
me into several days ago! Re-wrangled!
– that’s funny.
Wednesday,
7/26
Only
enough time to check out and get to the Airport today..
CONCLUSION
Well,
I had a great time in Cairo, to be sure.
But, like last year’s trip to Japan, I did this one solo.
Although I enjoy the challenges of immersion in different cultures
by myself, next time I’m definitely taking a friend (Australia / New
Zealand – January 2001 - now accepting applications for travel companion).
The
history and culture of Egypt are astounding.
From ruins spanning 5 millennia to ornate Islamic mosques,
there’s a lot to do and see.
So much in fact, that I’m going to have to go back to do the
things I couldn’t squeeze into a week (Scuba diving in the Red Sea,
and exploration of the Valley of Kings in Luxor for example..)
Hey, as soon as I do, you can read about it right here.
Mark
July 2000
