PROLOGUE
As
you (the reader) may be aware, I (and companion Matt) actually LIVED
in Ghana for the better part of the year 2000. The following
account has nothing to do with that year in Sub-Saharan Africa - Rather,
this is the trip to see Matt's parents in the beginning of 1998.
We had such a good time, that when an opportunity to live and work
in Ghana presented itself, we jumped at the chance. But I now
present to you an account of the initial adventure that started
it all.
Jan
16 - 17, 1998
Our
flight was to New York’s JFK by way of St. Louis. As we checked our
luggage, the fine folks at TWA decided that we should go to Laguardia
airport instead - That’s fine by us, as it’s closer to Manhattan,
but it’s still weird. Our original plan was to get in to New York
pretty late, and stay up all night doing some great nightlife stuff,
then on the 9-hour flight to Accra, we could catch up on the sleep
and hopefully reset our biological clocks quicker. Well, even the
best-laid plans are subject to change; For Mark’s cousin Amy is living
in Manhattan while she becomes a teacher. And Amy’s brother Roy was
also in town finding a job as an brilliant, young architect. So the
bottom line: Things to do and a place to crash! That evening we went
with Roy and a friend to the Upper West Side. We drained a few beers
in a great, crowded bar and had some 2:00a.m. food at Pizzaria Uno.
Then it was back to Amy’s for a comfortable night’s sleep on the floor
of her tiny apartment.
In
the morning, we walked through Central Park (huzzah!) - mental note
- temperature outside: 38 degrees.. We then hailed a cab to JFK, which
was accomplished in record time. New York cabbies are unlike anything
in the universe and Newtonian Physics cannot describe their paths
of motion adequately. The flight to Accra was very very very very
long (compounded by the fact that Satan’s own spawn-child was sitting
across the aisle from us emitting banshee-like shrieks periodically
for the entire 9 hours..)
Jan
18
We
arrived in Accra at 6:00a.m. (mental note - temperature: 85). Meeting
us at the airport was Richard, the undisputed master of the local
bureaucracy; He was able to whip us through customs and allowed us
to move to the front of every line. (hey, outta our way - we’re special
people)
Outside:
Our minds, considerably dulled by the 9-hour flight, could not handle
the initial culture shock. Young boys beat each other for the privilege
of carrying our luggage, while Matt’s parents giggled maniacally at
our obvious discomfort. (Matt’s mom then proceeded to single-handedly
undermine the nation’s economic structure by tipping the boys a year’s
wage and telling them to share)
The
ride home was absolutely surreal. Trust us on this one. Matt’s dad
thought it would be cute to take us through the poorest of the outlying
villages.. wow. No really. Wow. In direct contrast was the Helms home
and it was very, very nice. The slaves were very nice too. (that IS
a joke) The hired help included: Grace (unpronounceable last name):
Maid, Doris Day Darkie (that really IS her name): Cook, Ya-Ya (does
he need a last name?): Day security, and Mohammed: Driver.
We
noticed that the mid-morning sun was not very bright (hell, we’re
on the equator - it should be, right??) Turns out that ungodly amounts
of dust are blowing south from the Sahara.. whoa.. that’s kinda cool.
If anything, it takes the edge off the heat and lessens the chance
for sunburn - both good things.
After
the required nap, we went grocery shopping in Accra. The grocery store
had really weird food items. It’s hard to remember specific names,
but they were similar to: ‘happy joy cakes’ and ‘utopian creme of
plentitude’.
The
city? Kinda hard to describe. I'm guessing if you haven’t been to
an African city, you probably won’t understand. It’s an amazing blend
of 3rd world feel with sporadic injections of western culture.
(so it’s the ladies carry the TVs on their heads kind-of-thing). Nothing
we can say can describe it adequately.
The
people? As a first impression, the Ghanaians are an extremely nice
and good-natured people. We felt instantly comfortable and welcome.
We are an obvious minority, but are not treated any differently because
of it.
That
evening we went to a Chinese food restaurant (in Africa?). There wasn’t
a single Chinese person there. Returning home, we found that the 28
cable channels are disappointingly strange. The only jewel would be
the South African Discovery Channel (no commercials) and a movie channel.
For alternative entertainment, we played (pretend) high stakes poker
for cedis (pronounced cee-dees). Matt won all of the 500,000! (uh..
5,000 cedis is equivalent to about $2.50). Then it was the best sleep
of our lives.
Jan
19
Mmm-baby,
now that’s some good sleep. For our second day in Africa, Mohammed
picked us up and took us to where Matt’s dad worked. Everybody there
seemed pretty nice, considering that the power was out when we arrived.
This seems to be a pretty common occurrence in Accra, as there are
some political problems between the electric company, who wants a
rate-increase and the local government, who won’t allow it. Needless
to say, I don’t think the guys at the plant are in a hurry to fix
the generators when they stop working.
We
had a few hours to kill, so Mohammed took us out to a stretch of gorgeous
beach, where we had previously seen some fishing communities and their
cool, dugout boats. We snapped the first roll of what would certainly
be a large number of pictures. Mark went jumping around rocks in wet
sandals, which promptly put his arse in the water (but not the camera
- Allah be praised).
For
Dinner, we went to Colleen and Bill’s place (colleagues of dad) for
a feast of traditional Ghanaian cuisine. We were introduced to the
culinary wonder that is Fufu. How does one describe it.. Take your
kindergarten favorite: rubber cement. Then take out the delicious
pasty flavor, and voila! Fufu. It’s apparently some sort of vegetable
extract, processed into a thick slime who’s only purpose is to stretch
your stomach, so when the minute amounts of REAL (and presumed expensive)
food are ingested, you don’t have to eat as much. We elected to just
say NO to fufu. The rest of the foods were very good. West African
food is spicy and yummy. Yum.
Jan
20
It’s
a road trip to Oburi, where we toured a cool botanical garden. Matt
spotted a tree, but Mark wasn’t quick enough with the camera. Oh well,
maybe next time. Oburi is also known for the woodcarver’s market.
Our bartering skills were so good, that even Mohammed the driver,
quite the local, was impressed with our haul. The only loser in the
exchanges was a poor carver that Matt was able to underbid by haggling
directly to the master carver.. The underling was pretty pouty when
we walked away with a 12 dollar mask that was roughly the size of
Vermont. All we can say to that is: Get used to it - we’re Americans
- we take what we want.
That
evening we were able to sample Doris’ cooking for the first time.
Oh, heavenly-super-yum! She was able to beat Colleen & Bill’s
cooks with one paprika tied behind her back.
Jan
21
Get
the land cruiser Mohammed, we’re going to the river! We drove to the
lower Volta River (south of the Dam which makes Lake Volta), where
we found some kids to give us a boat tour. Actually, it was Mohammed
who found the kid. Mohammed seems to know someone every where we go.
("Oh, that was my brother" – that sort of thing happened
a lot) So we took off on a 2+ hour boat ride (we were the ONLY powered
boat on the river that day) all up and down the Volta. We saw all
kinds of river traffic, and a cool river market. But the (absolute
goddamn 5-star) highlight of the day was a stop at an island village
where they made alcohol from sugar cane.
We
were greeted by the chief, who showed us the cane press, which promptly
exploded and took out one of the village patrons. The foot-long hunk
of shrapnel smacked the unfortunate teen right between the eyes, who
went down in a cloud of blood and dust. Privy to this bit of village
tragedy, our concerns were lessened when they splashed the medicinal
moonshine on him and everyone said he would be okay. We were then
led to a meeting area where we sat and talked with the chief while
he toasted us with the 200 proof go-go juice (whoo-ah!). But the best
part of the experience had to be all the village kids, who surrounded
us and laughed with us and made wonderful demands of our photography.
This would certainly be one of the best experiences of Africa (not
to mention our lives!).
Jan
22
Did
We mention that the cable sucked Fufu? In a desperate attempt to locate
some fun things to do in the evening, Matt, Mark & Mom headed
out to shop for games. We found 2 American classics: Monopoly and
Scrabble, and we only paid 45,000 each for them.. ouch. Oh well, can
you put a price on fun? Yes. Yes you can. 45,000 cedis.
Dinner
that evening was out on the town. Dad’s work buddies gathered at an
Italian restaurant for some good food (the local lobster is yum-tastic)
and some great tales of world-travel.
Matt
wins the first Monopoly challenge.
Jan
23
Mohammed
was otherwise indisposed this day, which means: lazy day!
Matt
won the second Monopoly game. A frustrated Mark accused him of cheating
and hit him between the eyes with a piece of shrapnel from the Volta
village cane press (Later apologized while rubbing moonshine on wound
- All was forgiven).
That
evening, we went to a local hotel where they employ some native musicians
and dancers. Here’s a bit of tribal wisdom for ya: Primal rhythms
and sinful gyrations make for good entertainment, but they also make
you horny.
Other
news: Mark won Monopoly - Made sinful celebratory gyrations. Matt
got horny.
Jan
24
Early
Morning: Packed up the Land Cruiser and started the journey North
to Mole National Park. Mole is a 500 sq. km. park and game reserve
where wild African animals run plentiful and free. The drive there
however is another story. We are told that the roads in Ghana are
wonderful compared to the rest of the dark continent. I would like
to supplement that statement by adding: When there ARE roads. The
stretch of road between Accra and Kumasi (a large city of 2 million
people) was strewn with huge potholes and lengths of non-paved spots.
Also, the last 30 miles or so before Mole was all dirt road. It’s
all part of the African experience though, and the drive was actually
quite beautiful. We wound our way through ~600km of Tropical Forest,
and every few kilometers there was a new village filled with amazing
sights and people (and little goats having sex).
When
we arrived at Mole, the sun was starting to set on the park. Our lodging
was atop a cliff which looked over a real African waterhole. 3 elephants
were arriving for an evening drink, and crocodiles were swimming and
lurking about. How much more cool could that be? (the answer is none
– none more cool)
Mark
wins a second monopoly game as our heroes wind down and prepare for
the next morning’s safari. The accommodations, although minimal, include
a ceiling fan to keep the oppressive African heat at bay – Altogether
pretty pleasant.. >CLICK<
Mark:
What was that?
Matt:
They turned the power off
Mark:
Why?
Matt:
I dunno – I think they turn the generator off at 10 or 11
Mark:
WHY?
Nobody
knows why. But we now know exactly why we only got 3 hours or so of
sleep that night. Sigh.
Jan
25
We
meet our gun-toting guide Zachariah for the morning’s driving safari.
We were pleasantly surprised to find numerous elephant, multiple kinds
of antelope, baboons, warthogs, cool birds of all kinds, patash monkeys,
green monkeys, Big-ass crocodiles, and bush buck (bock?). The only
things we didn’t see were the lions, but that’s not surprising, as
they are rare and quite people-shy in West Africa. This is not to
say that we didn’t see nasty-bitey things – Matt was quite unimpressed
with the tsetse flies, which were attracted by the dust of the land
cruiser and the promise of tender, young Matt flesh. Curiously, Mark
wasn’t bitten, and though he wasn’t as obsessed as Matt was about
swatting every fly that made its way into the car, he didn’t hesitate
to swat his glasses off his head, out the window and on to the African
veldt.
After
the safari and a very quick vote, we elected to hit the road and head
for the gorgeous tsetse-flyless coast, rather than spend another night
in Mole. At final count, fourteen elephants came to the waterhole
that morning to see us off.
So
it was another road-trip through the forest, but this time we took
an alternate route and the roads really were quite good the whole
way (as was the amazing tropical scenery).
In
direct contrast to the black hole of Mole, the brand-new Best Western
hotel in Cape Coast was a utopian dream of plentitude.. The air conditioning
in the room and the ocean crashing in the distance put us to a good
sleep.
Jan
26
Wake
up, time to hate humanity! A neat thing to see in Cape Coast is the
Portuguese trading fortress, turned Dutch slave fortress. One of the
darker elements of Ghana’s past is the slave trade; We got to see
where hundreds of happy slaves were imprisoned for several luxurious
months, awaiting a new and promising life in a distant land of opportunity.
Well, maybe we are taking liberties with some of the facts, but it
helped us enjoy the place better. Actually, it was frickin’ gorgeous.
But, there were bats in the powder magazine that reminded Matt of
tetse flies, so we ran away to the rain forest..
Kukum
is another protected area of Ghana where plants and animals frolic
around in their natural setting (ever seen a tree frolic? – it’s something
else). The 5-star mega-coolest part about Kukum is a series of suspended
bridges that allow people to walk through a rainforest canopy. Not
for the height-fearing, the 7 bridges, some over a hundred feet high,
give great views of the neato-keen jungle life. We didn’t see any
monkeys (most of them are nocturnal), but we did see a big green mamba
as we returned to the car. It freaked our guide out, but Mark coolly
snapped pictures, knowing it was probably some animatronic animal
set up for our enjoyment.
Jan
27
Hooray
for shopping! We ventured to the Accra artisan marketplace, where
we initiated a second round of power-haggling. This time, we bought
more masks, carvings and some Kente-cloth, which is absolutely gorgeous
hand-woven material. For about 30 bucks, one can get a tablecloth-sized
weave with awesome African designs. This place is great.
Our
shopping urges unfulfilled, we returned again to Oburi, where we bought
some more masks and made the final purchases from our respective gift
lists. Matt was relieved when the pouty craftsman of last week’s shopping
adventure didn’t stir up any trouble this round.
Matt’s
purchase of the ‘death star mask’ brought up the question about how
we plan to get all this stuff home. Eh, we’ll worry about that later.
For now, Buy Buy Buy!
Jan
28
Did
we say final purchases were made yesterday? Never mind that. A quick
return to the market was on today’s agenda with a couple of last-minute
items to buy. Also, we made it our quest to find a bookstore with
some American paperbacks, as we were quite out of reading material.
The gift store at the Golden Tulip Hotel (Accra’s finest place to
stay) yielded a good haul, but we had to dig through mountains of
Danielle Steele to find a couple of copies of John Grisham’s "The
Partner". Literary entertainment in hand, we returned home only
to find that we were both feeling a little gastrointestinally impaired.
Oh well, look on the bright side - we now have reading material for
the bathroom.
Jan
29
Lazy
Day. Actually, it was the official Matt recuperation day, as poor
young Matt had taken a turn for the worst, health-wise. Other news:
In an errand-running trip with mom ‘n dad, Mark breaks the 20-roll
milestone with his African photography (This may get expensive). Mark
also proceeded to finish "The Partner" and became pouty
that he didn’t buy more than one book. By day’s end, Matt was feeling
about 80%, so we went out for some pizza. The West African version
of the classic Italian-American pie left us with even a greater desire
for the American Pizza Hut version. Well, we won’t have long to wait,
as our time is winding down here; The responsibilities of life are
starting to return as we contemplate tomorrow, our last day in Africa.
Jan
30-31
Oh
sad day. 2 Weeks in Africa are at an end. Our flight wasn’t until
1:00a.m. (!!), so we did get an entire day to spend sobbing and packing
for a return to Texas. Packing was truly an adventure, as we cleaned
this country out of all it’s carvings and masks. Mark had 3 large
duffel bags full of stuff, plus an extra 1x5 box with 2 long masks,
and Matt had a large duffel bag with 2 additional moving boxes full
of carvings. Getting out of the airport was a frickin’ nightmare!
Once again, Richard was there to grease the local machinery to our
advantage. We just couldn’t imagine what it would be like without
him. He was certainly worth his weight in fufu.
The
flight home was even longer than the one to Africa, as the DC-10 was
heavy and required a fuel stop in Sierra Leone (no doubt because of
all our stuff). Some 11 hours after we left Ghana, we were stateside
at JFK. Mark’s cousin Roy met us there for lunch (real pizza) and
we distributed the first of the gifts (believe it or not, our stuff
had made it to the states unmolested!). After another full day in
various airports, our heroes finally returned to Texas – exhausted,
but each with a big chunk o’ inner piece.
Epilogue:
What can we say? We went to Africa with no expectations, and every
one of them was met to our complete satisfaction. On a scale of 1
to 10, ‘this one goes to eleven’. Mark’s twenty rolls of film have
been developed and there are some wonderful images. Some interesting
photos can be found right here on this site.
Mark
& Matt
February 1998